changing things up...and moving on...

at least for 2 weeks!

I'm moving the blog for a 2 week trial to squarespace. If I like it, that's where it shall stay. So, catch me over there. Make sure you change your RSS feed. To do that, just CLICK HERE and copy and paste the new URL wherever you had my old one.

K, SEE YOU OVER HERE. How many links do you need me to post to get you to go HERE?

:O)

Even the smiley face was a link...did you catch that?!

some new stuff

Hi friends! I've gotten asked by several of you about what's going on in my world as of late, so I figured I probably should start being a better blogger. :O) That means...duh duh duh...update time. And then, hopefully, I will get back on the blogging bandwagon. So, here goes.

As you know (or hopefully know?), I moved to Maryland at the end of the summer following my 2 month stint in Uganda. I won't bore you with those details (the Maryland details), but let's just say...it's not for me. So, I am in the process of moving back to Nashville. I'm anticipating making the move in the month of March, but not quite sure exactly WHEN...probably towards the end of the month.

I've already found a GREAT place to live in East Nashville...just have to work out those pesky details such as figuring out how to afford two rents at the same time for a couple of months, leaving my job here, finding a job in Nashville, and moving all my crap across country once again. But, if you know me, you know I'm up for the challenge. Although not exactly happy and/or excited about the move itself since I just moved. SUPER excited to get back to Nashville, though!

My current work already knows I am going to be moving and has been incredible about giving me the time to figure things out. So, I am now just trying to figure out how to get a job in Nashville in this wrecked economy. (If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears!). I could most definitely use your prayers as I walk through this crazy time. Personally, it's been a very challenging time. But, I realize that God is bigger than the small things going on in my life and I am continually reminded of His grace and provision...and joy.

One of the coolest things about this past month is the amount of time I have been able to spend with my family. I realize that I may never have the opportunity to spend this amount of time with my parents again and it's been really fun. Having the new puppy has made my life crazy, as well, but it has forced me to depend on others for help, which I'm not always excited to do. So, I wouldn't trade this time for anything.

Anyway, that's the somewhat quick update. Moving to Nashville, need a job, if you want to send money, I'm ok with that. Haha. :O)

Obviously, as I get more things figured out, I will keep you posted!

the cake or the diet?

I took a few minutes at lunch to listen to Baltimore talk radio, which I never do. I guess it's my age. Or my desire to become wiser. Or just my desire to become less bored. Whatever my reason, I did it. I listened.

The one comment that stuck with me came from a man who was a former Marine, apparently a non-believer (his words), and who admitted to openly weeping in his conference room at work yesterday when Obama was sworn in. At that point, I was intrigued. His comment went something like this...(paraphrasing)...

"Obama's speech was like the diet and exercise plan. So, now that we have it, do we go eat cake?"

Basically, the whole conversation was about what WE are expected to do to make our country better. If we have this great idea set before us, yet choose to continue walking a path of selfishness and mistrust, we are in no better shape than we were 2 days ago. As a country, we are putting a lot of hope in a man...in a dream. But, the reality of it is that it is going to take every person doing a little bit more...going one step farther...

I liked this caller's challenge. He was inspired, yet knew that inspiration would only go so far. When the rubber meets the road, is the rubber our running shoes? Are we (ME) ready to dig in and make a difference? I think that's what President Obama is asking us to do. Regardless of what political beliefs you hold, you (I) are responsible for serving your God and your fellow man well. Especially if you say you love Jesus and follow His teachings.

So, what are you willing to do to go that extra step? And, I'm really asking. 'Cause I'm looking for ways to expand my world, challenge my status quo, walk an extra mile in someone else's shoes. Love with excellence and in abundance.

oh, how i love my mornings...

tonight I was reminded.

Tonight, God very clearly said, "Michele, do not get so caught up in your life that you miss MY story."

It is easy for me to get weighed down with all the details of this life I am living, figuring out the next steps, looking for the road ahead. I forget that I am ON the journey and God is showing me the Good Life...if only I would pause and remember...and then walk with Him.

Tonight, we remembered the Passion World Tour. Seeing the faces from all over the world...I was reminded, again, of what an incredible journey I have been a part of....and still continue to be. Why do I let my world get so small? Why do I assume I know what is best...that I have all of my best interests at heart? I need these reminders to ground me in Christ and His unfailing love, His unfailing strength, His unending mercy and grace, and His timeless truth and heart for His people.

Tonight, I was reminded. And that is a very good thing.

when life doesn't make sense

"Come to Me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with Me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead, seek My Face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because my attention span is infinite. I know and understand you completely; My thoughts embrace you in everlasting Love. I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence."

~ from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling

As I begin 2009, I find myself somewhere unexpected. Abstract as well as physical. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings to sort through, sift through, work through. I must confess that I'd rather be anywhere but this place.

So, I lean on the only One who has already been there, is here, and is where I am going.

my weekend & my life

I had the BEST weekend! It might have had to do with the fact that it was ridiculously warm and sunny here all weekend. Or, that Stephen and I spent all day Saturday at the Inner Harbor/Fells Point walking around and just generally seeing the sights (see flaming fire juggler guy pic below). Or that I went pumpkin picking and hay-riding with Matt, Jenn, Mark Allen, Matt and Dana today and then had some yummy dinner after. Probably, it was all of it combined together...the trifecta of a great weekend.

I would like for there to be more weekends like this...although I'm not sure the weather will cooperate. I am fairly certain that I am 15% starting to adapt to life in Maryland. Haha...sounds like a really strong statement, huh? I think that number will jump considerably higher once I move into my new place in November. As much as I don't want to be attached to the "things" of this world, it will be refreshing to have my stuff around me...to set up my home. I have some really cool stuff and pictures from Kenya, Uganda, and Zanzibar that I am excited to decorate with!

Anyway, I was thinking tonight that this is the first place I have moved that I didn't have this overwhelming desire to move to before I decided to move. Hmmm...does that make sense? For instance, Nashville - wanted to move there (all 3 times!) VERY MUCH before I actually moved there. Same with Atlanta. But Maryland...never said, "I REALLY want to live in Maryland!", either before I was born (ha ha) or this past year. Here's the kicker, though: As much as I want to balk at being here sometimes, I've honestly never felt like I'm supposed to be somewhere in a time more than I do now. Obviously (because I say it a lot), I still have a hard time not being in Atlanta or Nashville (more so because I miss my friends), but I know this is part of the journey God has been taking me on. So, here I am in Maryland. Eventually I'll just get over it and stop talking about it. I'm thinking maybe December 12th-ish.

But what a great weekend!!! :O)

as of november 3rd:

I will be the very proud renter of a 2 bedroom townhouse. And did I mention that I will be living on my very own?! Not with my parents? Yippeee! (Not that I don't love my parents, but seriously...it's been 3 months now.) I will have my bed, my dog (unless the roomies do something to her between now and Oct. 31), my dishes, my stuff. Oh yeah...my books, my desk, my towels, my pillows, my couch, my chairs, my tv, my movies.

I'm excited, can you tell? :O)

I'm going to be in Atlanta the first weekend in November for work and to pack up all the junk I own...not looking forward to the move, but I AM looking forward to GETTING moved. My goal is to be in my own bed Monday, November 3rd with the Midi Lou Schmoo Bear curled up in a ball at the opposite end ignoring me, as usual. Sounds like a perfect night!!!

So...that IS what's new with me. Oh, and I seem to be fighting some sort of bug...or just a really weird migraine. Not great timing, but I will have to press on. So...really, that's it.

sometimes i must write.

Sometimes I just need to write. I have so many things going on in my head that it helps to put them down on paper...well, computer. But some thoughts don't need to go on the web, lest people think I'm really crazy. So, I just type and type and then I feel like I have a better grip on life.

I also like to drive around and listen to music. And if I really need to get it all out, I put in some music where I can just dust off the vocal cords and go for it. Today was a great day to do that. 2 hours of driving around most of 2 different counties. It didn't hurt that I was also on the hunt for a potential place to live! The temperature was perfect and just one or two clouds in the sky.

Anyway, back to writing. I actually started a book years ago. The topic doesn't matter because it was dumb and I think I trashed it. But, it was very therapeutic. I might try it again. I'm not sure what I would write about, though. Maybe I'll start brainstorming ideas. Not that anyone would buy it, but I can think of 2 or 3 people that would read it (2 of them being my parents). :O)

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"do you believe in beauty, freedom, truth, love?" ~ moulin rouge

living among non-social networkers

I find myself in a world where the people around me don't utilize the glorious tools of social networking like I do. It's a strange place and my immediate goal in life is to change my surroundings (by getting everyone on Twitter and Facebook).

What is wrong with people? :O)

how do you start over?

I find myself a bit melancholic today. I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that I would normally be spending Saturday afternoons watching football with the roomies...and now I'm sitting in my room trying to figure out what to do today.

I'm anxious to start my new job on Monday...to get back into a "normal" pattern. Being jobless for the past 2 months (or 4, if you count the tour and Africa as "unemployment") has been a bit rough. Obviously, if you know me, you know that I'm someone who likes to be doing stuff, have control over things, know what's happening, etc. This has been a different and interesting season of learning to let go. Whether I have actually learned to do that...still figuring that out.

I'm also realizing that it's been a LONG time since I've had to kind of start over from scratch in building community. As much as I want it to happen, I know the process involved is not easy...especially here where finding a church is not like finding a church in Atlanta or Nashville. It's just going to take some time. And patience.

So, I'm just having one of those days. The kind where I miss my friends.

perspective shift

So it seems most of my thoughts come from or center around things I've been reading lately....I guess that's ok. At least they aren't based on what I've been watching on TV. :O)

That said, I'm reading this INCREDIBLE book called In A Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. (Thanks, Lawlor.) Not that I really have any reason to question God's timing (particularly at this junction in my life), but if I were to ever have read THE book at THE right time...this is it. I seriously want to go out and buy this book for everyone I know. (If you get a copy in the mail, I went ahead and did that, just FYI.)

The premise of this book is "how to survive and thrive when opportunity roars". Yet, it really goes WAY beyond that. I have to tell you...my mind is being cracked open a bit...maybe even blown apart a bit. I think what got me last night when I was reading was the whole concept of a perspective shift. This is something I have been dealing with for a while...just didn't really know it until I was able to get a solid definition...see it in print...wrap my brain around it...understand what God was truly trying to say to me in it. Anyway, I won't go into detail about the whole perspective shift I'm going through, but it's just a super encouraging time. And really, who doesn't need encouragement every once in a while?! :O)

So, on the off chance I don't buy copies of the book for everyone I know and love, GO GET A COPY FOR YOURSELF...

today, i was offered a job...

...and I accepted!!!

I have been praying for peace about the outcome, so when the call came...I was ready. I have to tell you, though, when she said, "We want to offer you the position," I got a little crazy excited in my head. :O)

I start Monday...no time to waste! So, here are the details on where I will be working. The place is called World Relief and their headquarters are in Baltimore. My position is within the volunteer services division of the organization. Other than that, I will have to give more details after I begin working there...don't want to go blogging about a job I have yet to start.

All in all, I would say today has been a top notch day!

a needed reminder

I don't have much time to blog this morning as I am getting ready to drive into the city (Baltimore) for my second interview at the relief agency. I have a lot to blog about, though, so hopefully I can catch up later today...

But, I wanted to post this because it was a reminder I received this morning and thought it might be an encouragement for others. My trust factor has been down lately and God has been so incredibly faithful to help slowly rebuild it. As I was doing a quick update on my mom's computer, I picked up her little pocket Bible and flipped to the Psalms to read a bit. This is what God had for me this morning...

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33.20-22

My prayer today is that I will continue to wait in hope.

today is not my favorite day.

A very good friend of mine died a few moments ago.

She was such an amazing woman, such an inspiration, such a joy...always had the biggest hug waiting for me.

I am going to miss her tremendously.

My prayers are being lifted up for her family, friends, co-workers...all the people her incredible life touched.

there are days.

Have you ever had those days when you felt like your head was disconnected from your body? Yeah...I'm having one of those months. There are days when I wish life would just go back to easy...but, then where would the fun and adventure be? Ha.

So, here I sit in a coffee shop in Baltimore. I can't really say it's my favorite because it's one of the only ones I actually know in the city. But, it will never leave my top 5, that's for sure. A friend introduced me to it several years ago...it's this fun little place that serves amazing food (and a lot of it vegan or vegetarian), great coffee and tea, and beer for when the mood hits. So, basically my kind of place. The vibe is great because it's right near the corner of Johns Hopkins, yet in an artsy area of town. I look around and see all sorts of people. Probably the same type of folk I'd see hanging out at one of my favorite places in Nashville. Therefore, I am happy.

I haven't been blogging much lately because I feel like there is nothing in my head that is worth sharing or maybe there is too much in my head to share. Either way, I've let the silence take over. So, I'm playing catch up. To bring things up to speed: I've decided to stay in Maryland indefinitely, have an interview with a refugee relief agency on Tuesday (in Baltimore), and then am leaving for Nashville and Atlanta on Tuesday night or Wednesday for a week and a half or so to "get away". There is so much more behind all of that, but that's best told in a conversation and not over the www.

Anyway, back to the coffee shop. One World Cafe (in case you are ever in Baltimore). I don't know why I'm so stuck on it. I think it's because it's one of the first things I've done since I've been in Maryland that seems normal to me. Living with my parents - not normal. Not having a job - not normal. Not being in the Duke House and around my friends - not normal. Going through all of these changes at once after being in Uganda for 2 months - not normal. SO, sitting in a coffee shop in the city listening to interesting people having interesting conversations - SUPER NORMAL. And, as silly or trivial as it seems...it illuminates my ability to see how God continues to provide His version of peace (not mine), regardless of the circumstances or situations...which is something I really need to see right now.

Lately, I have been struggling with fear. It's a really weird thing for me because I do not remember a time in my life (more than the occasional instance of fright) where I was fearful of something. The weird thing is, I can't even put my finger on something specific that I'm fearful of. And I've been doing nothing but pray about it. So, I started looking through the Bible to see what God has to say about fear. Have you ever researched the word "fear" in the Bible? Have fun with that. You will be reading for days. Needless to say, I think that I'm on the right path. God, obviously, has something to say to me...I just need to get past my stubbornness and listen.

So, there's my blah blah blah for the evening. It's starting to get a little loud...guess it's the rowdy "vegan beer" crowd. I love it. :O) I just had the most amazing Organic Rooibos tea and a vegan carrot cupcake. Tomorrow, I will go back to eating hard-boiled eggs.

'Night. From the big city.

lots of changes

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now...all good. I'm not quite ready to blog about them to the world, but if you want to know the basics, just shoot me an email and I'll tell you. :O)

What a long journey...

...from Africa to the USA. This time two weeks ago, I was actually in a taxi in Zanzibar frantically driving to the ATM trying to get money out to pay our taxi driver. Wow. Hard to believe what can happen in two weeks time. Let me recap since I've been a slacker:

- Zanzibar Island (which was amazing...make sure you check out my pictures)
- Back to Uganda for 2 days to pack up and say goodbye (miss you Renee, Jeff & Christine...amazing how you can make such great connections with people in such a short time)
- Back to Atlanta via Amsterdam (Big Mac for breakfast in Amsterdam)
- Spent some GREAT time with the Duke House roomies for 5 days. They loved on me and spoiled me rotten. I managed to play Rock Band every day for ridiculous amounts of time. Also got to visit a lot of friends from my "old job" at Buckhead/North Point. (That's weird to say!!!) Kicked it with the Passion peeps for a bit, too. I guess it doesn't really seem like former anything when those people are like family to you.
- Made the long drive to Maryland to spend an extended time with the family in Aberdeen. Which is where I am right now.

So, I'll stop bullet-pointing everything now. :O) I'm currently sitting on the bed in my room at my parents' house. It is one of 2 air-conditioned rooms in the house. Comes in handy for the days and nights when the heat index soars into the 100's. Delightful. Midi (Schmoo Bear) is passed out on the bed next to me, pretty much taking up the whole bed....she will get booted to the side here in a bit when I go to sleep.

I guess I wanted to blog because I hadn't in a while and this is one of the first times I've been able to actually blog from the site and not the old blackberry. Yes, I went and stood in line for 4 hours and bought the new iPhone 3G. Everyone knew I would, so I'm sure no one is really surprised. I'm just BUMMED SERIOUSLY to find out AT&T didn't update their international plan. So, I STILL can't use the stupid thing in Uganda. Freakin A, AT&T. We are going to have a go-around about this!!!!

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to blog about. A lot of you know that I'm in this state of "what am I doing with my life?" Just so you know, that hasn't changed. If anything, I'm more than ever at the point where I feel like I should fall on my face and say, "Jesus, I need You right now." And, that's what I'm doing. But, to be honest, I don't even know what to pray for. I came to a realization tonight that I am at a really selfish point in my life. I am selfish in my desires to want to try and understand my life, understand where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, and on and on and on. I know I'm not alone in this. I know we all go through this time in our lives...and probably more than once. So, I know I must turn to Scripture and turn to prayer.

I was listening to a favorite song...it's a song that became a favorite this past year and is very familiar in the Passion family. Part of it says,

"Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause,
As I walk from earth into eternity."

Everything I am...how I long to say that and yet how so far away I am. I feel broken, but not broken to the point where I feel like I can be molded. I feel completely useless and completely selfish, yet want to overcome so that my brokenness is no longer a selfish place of wanting, but a selfless place of complete hope in Jesus.

And so here I sit in Maryland. I am headed to Nashville this Friday for 6 days to reconnect with friends and do some potential job hunting. I'm also not closing any doors in Atlanta. Just trying to be open to whatever God might show me. My heart knows that I don't need to be "perfect" for God to use me. My head just needs to get back into the groove. I have a few books that I'm hoping will jump start my thinking. I'm such a thinker that is continually over-thinking, over-analyzing everything that it will be good to make my mind go through the paces. I could just use some prayer, though, as I struggle through this time.

Sorry for the long post...and for the stream of consciousness crap....if you even read this far, I should send you a blow-pop. :O)

what I see happening in my life.

Seems like a good day to reflect upon some things God is doing in my life...these are in no particular order and I can't guarantee they will make any sense to you or will have any depth whatsoever. That's my stipulation. :O)

(I am going to number them because I like lists. Lists make me feel like I am accomplishing things. I know, I'm ridiculous.) So, here goes:

1. When I finally realize that what is going on in my life and around me is not always about me...when I see things from a perspective beyond my own...THAT is the point when God tends to use me in the most perceptible of ways. It is in those moments when my brokenness is swept into the overwhelming mercy and grace of a Savior who is willing and waiting to redeem all people. It is like I become a channel for the work of God and I don't even realize that my hands are the ones doing the physical work because the work, itself, is not important inasmuch as what it is accomplishing and directing others towards. I don't mean to suggest, AT ALL, that I'm doing some great work or anything like that, but it's merely the idea that there are these slivers of moments when I actually get out of the way and stop trying to do things the way I think they should be done. That's when God uses me most efficiently and seemingly in my strengths.

2. I have always had a desire to explore something beyond the world I occupy. I think that's why I'm so comfortable with change and why I tend to seek it out (how many comments will I get about that?!). This past year, though, I decided to put my change bug to rest for a bit and truly seek first the kingdom of God. (After a few months, I decided that was not so easy to do. And then there came Kenya!!!) In all of this, though, I have come to realize that this change bug, this desire to explore...it's not a bad thing to seek as long as it's part of the "seek first HIS kingdom". When I truly lay down my desire to make things happen and figure out where my life is going, I see the most amazing adventure before me. God takes me places I would never have imagined going...territorial, spiritually, emotionally, relationally...

3. This past August, I managed to somehow start leading a small group through Buckhead Church. I wasn't planning on leading a group, only wanted to join one. But, obviously God had other plans in mind. Over the past 6 months, I have managed to walk alongside 5 incredibly wonderful and uniquely gifted women that I would never have met had I not said OK to leading a group. Somehow, beyond anything I could have ever done, we have managed to dig into each other's lives so quickly and so deeply that it amazes me every time we get together. Not only do we meet for our normal community group time, we also randomly just spend time together doing other things...I am incredibly blessed to have Lori, Christine, Katie, Rachelle, and Kristi in my life!

4. I really like toast for breakfast.

a tattoo story...

Carlos is doing a cool thing on his blog...having people post tat pictures and then share their stories. So, here's one of mine (that he put on his blog):

The funny story behind this tattoo is there is not much of a story. :O) I like stars, so one day during work, Phillip Z. and I decided to go get tats during lunch. This was the third of the four tattoos I have.

My favorite tattoo so far is this one:

It says "grace" in Tengwar, which is a language developed by Tolkien (elfish). Yeah, I'm a dork. Whatever...it's cool. :O) Kind of hard to see in this pic, but the picture itself is kind of cool because I was in church in Kenya. That rocked.

My other two tats are dumb. I'm planning on getting the one on my leg covered with a tattoo that will be Africa-themed in nature. Not sure where it's going yet, but have some ideas. It will probably be my biggest tattoo yet, so I'm kind of excited about it...