as of november 3rd:

I will be the very proud renter of a 2 bedroom townhouse. And did I mention that I will be living on my very own?! Not with my parents? Yippeee! (Not that I don't love my parents, but seriously...it's been 3 months now.) I will have my bed, my dog (unless the roomies do something to her between now and Oct. 31), my dishes, my stuff. Oh yeah...my books, my desk, my towels, my pillows, my couch, my chairs, my tv, my movies.

I'm excited, can you tell? :O)

I'm going to be in Atlanta the first weekend in November for work and to pack up all the junk I own...not looking forward to the move, but I AM looking forward to GETTING moved. My goal is to be in my own bed Monday, November 3rd with the Midi Lou Schmoo Bear curled up in a ball at the opposite end ignoring me, as usual. Sounds like a perfect night!!!

So...that IS what's new with me. Oh, and I seem to be fighting some sort of bug...or just a really weird migraine. Not great timing, but I will have to press on. So...really, that's it.

getting ready to head out.

I'm all packed up and ready to go...planning on hitting the road in a few hours, depending on traffic and how much sleep I feel like getting in the next couple of hours.

My job interview went well. I'm supposed to be called back for a second interview next week sometime (hopefully we can make it Friday since I'm technically going to be out of town all week), but I've learned not to get my hopes up. I really like the place, though, so at least it's something positive in the job search process!

I'll be in Nashville until Friday and then am going to head to Atlanta Friday morning. So, see some of you at some point somewhere!!!

What a long journey...

...from Africa to the USA. This time two weeks ago, I was actually in a taxi in Zanzibar frantically driving to the ATM trying to get money out to pay our taxi driver. Wow. Hard to believe what can happen in two weeks time. Let me recap since I've been a slacker:

- Zanzibar Island (which was amazing...make sure you check out my pictures)
- Back to Uganda for 2 days to pack up and say goodbye (miss you Renee, Jeff & Christine...amazing how you can make such great connections with people in such a short time)
- Back to Atlanta via Amsterdam (Big Mac for breakfast in Amsterdam)
- Spent some GREAT time with the Duke House roomies for 5 days. They loved on me and spoiled me rotten. I managed to play Rock Band every day for ridiculous amounts of time. Also got to visit a lot of friends from my "old job" at Buckhead/North Point. (That's weird to say!!!) Kicked it with the Passion peeps for a bit, too. I guess it doesn't really seem like former anything when those people are like family to you.
- Made the long drive to Maryland to spend an extended time with the family in Aberdeen. Which is where I am right now.

So, I'll stop bullet-pointing everything now. :O) I'm currently sitting on the bed in my room at my parents' house. It is one of 2 air-conditioned rooms in the house. Comes in handy for the days and nights when the heat index soars into the 100's. Delightful. Midi (Schmoo Bear) is passed out on the bed next to me, pretty much taking up the whole bed....she will get booted to the side here in a bit when I go to sleep.

I guess I wanted to blog because I hadn't in a while and this is one of the first times I've been able to actually blog from the site and not the old blackberry. Yes, I went and stood in line for 4 hours and bought the new iPhone 3G. Everyone knew I would, so I'm sure no one is really surprised. I'm just BUMMED SERIOUSLY to find out AT&T didn't update their international plan. So, I STILL can't use the stupid thing in Uganda. Freakin A, AT&T. We are going to have a go-around about this!!!!

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to blog about. A lot of you know that I'm in this state of "what am I doing with my life?" Just so you know, that hasn't changed. If anything, I'm more than ever at the point where I feel like I should fall on my face and say, "Jesus, I need You right now." And, that's what I'm doing. But, to be honest, I don't even know what to pray for. I came to a realization tonight that I am at a really selfish point in my life. I am selfish in my desires to want to try and understand my life, understand where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, and on and on and on. I know I'm not alone in this. I know we all go through this time in our lives...and probably more than once. So, I know I must turn to Scripture and turn to prayer.

I was listening to a favorite song...it's a song that became a favorite this past year and is very familiar in the Passion family. Part of it says,

"Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause,
As I walk from earth into eternity."

Everything I am...how I long to say that and yet how so far away I am. I feel broken, but not broken to the point where I feel like I can be molded. I feel completely useless and completely selfish, yet want to overcome so that my brokenness is no longer a selfish place of wanting, but a selfless place of complete hope in Jesus.

And so here I sit in Maryland. I am headed to Nashville this Friday for 6 days to reconnect with friends and do some potential job hunting. I'm also not closing any doors in Atlanta. Just trying to be open to whatever God might show me. My heart knows that I don't need to be "perfect" for God to use me. My head just needs to get back into the groove. I have a few books that I'm hoping will jump start my thinking. I'm such a thinker that is continually over-thinking, over-analyzing everything that it will be good to make my mind go through the paces. I could just use some prayer, though, as I struggle through this time.

Sorry for the long post...and for the stream of consciousness crap....if you even read this far, I should send you a blow-pop. :O)

made it to london

I'm sitting in my hotel room (FINALLY) after getting lost and then dragging my 80 pounds of luggage of 6 flights of stairs. Apparently, the best western paddington court does not believe in elevators, even though you pay them a small fortune. Oh well. Got a good workout!

I'm EXHAUSTED. Think I might pop out for a quick bite to go (and maybe a good ol' English draft) and then call it a night. I've got 4 days to make it happen in London and see everything I can see, so I don't feel bad about sleeping tonight. Need to get prepared for Kampala, anyway...and that means resting as much as possible.

Missing the tour right now, even though I just left this morning...hoping and praying for Sao Paulo and the team traveling there.

Time to bounce...peace and chicken grease.

the day after Passion Kyiv

*copying this from my other blog*

So. I’m currently on a plane to Helsinki, Finland. VERY quick layover (hope we make it....if I post this soon, we did NOT!). Then, another flight to Stockholm, Sweden. Which basically means I have come and gone from Kyiv, Ukraine. And that is all that is ridiculously crazy to me. 60+ days of intense in-your-faceocity (yes, I made a new word, Webster) and all is said and done.

Passion Kyiv. Where do I start? Let’s see. Maybe I will start with my two Kyiv best friends, Christine & Jo. (I’ll have to get pictures from them and post later.) Christine and Jo are two fabulous women who basically did everything I could not have come close to doing by myself in Kyiv. Christine is an American that has been living in Kyiv for the past 3 years with her husband and children and Jo is an Aussie who has lived in Kyiv for the past year or so. (Hope I got that right, girls!!!). I LOVE THEM. It about killed me to say goodbye to them and I must confess that it brings tears to my eyes to even write this right now. If you can develop a deep and everlasting friendship within just a few days time, we did it! I guess that’s where God steps in and says, “Hey, it’s all good...your plans are pretty lame, so I’m going to go ahead and prepare the way for you. Just chill.” So...Jo and Christine, I WILL be coming back to visit and WILL be expecting some Gloria Jean’s time. :O) Love you and miss you already.

Ok, so the actual event itself! You HAVE to check out the 268 blog. Jeremy Cowart has been taking some *ok* pictures. (pause) I mean, seriously? Ridiculous. He even did a quick “shoot” of my star tattoos the other day. I don’t know if it will make the Passion World Tour book, but who knows. Maybe one day when I’m famous, he will put it on his website. Ha ha. So, go check out the blog...there are some great stories and AMAZINGGGGGG with a capital RIDICULOUS pictures posted there.

To give you the quick background on Kyiv...when we started planning, we had NO IDEA how many people we could expect to show up. We would get mixed reactions from people. Some would say thousands would come, some would say we would be fortunate if 1000 showed up. Because it was a free event, we had no idea of knowing until the doors opened and people came in. SO...5:00 rolls around and a few hundred people are hanging outside. Praying. Preparing. Wow. 6:00, doors open and they start pouring in. By the hundreds. Still not sure what to expect, though. At 6:30, we enter into a time of prayer. Louie, the bands, our wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Kyiv leadership team, our team....an outpouring of the Spirit...just crying out to God to be THE God of Kyiv. Such a dark city, such a closed city. 6:55, we walk out to the backstage area and through the curtain. THOUSANDS have shown up. WOW. Truly, WOW. Louie posted a blog that said, “How do you say WOW in Russian?” That was literally how we felt. And they kept coming in. All in all, we had over 4,000 at Passion Kyiv last night. MORE than we could have ever expected, ever asked for, but truly what only God is capable of doing. Certainly nothing four human beings are capable of planning for, that’s for sure.

The night was a typical Passion event for those of you that have ever attended, volunteered, or just know what Passion is all about. But, it was so much more than that, too! We sang some in Russian...kudos to the guys for learning that in such a short time. You guys have my respect. Louie was translated the entire night by our friend, Oleg. What a cool guy Oleg is. I wish you all could meet him! We also took up an offering for Stockholm (the next city on the tour). Kyiv is a city that is hit hard by poverty, yet the students believed in what we were doing, what GOD is doing, the message of GRACE....they believed in that so much that they gave what they had so that another city could hear like they had. I am TRULY humbled. Truly. I know that God specifically placed me on the Kyiv team for this moment. Kyiv feels like a second home around the world and I am honored to have been a part of such an amazing journey.

So...I sit on a plane. I can’t believe it’s over. But, it is for me. For those still in Kyiv, there is much to do, much to come still. I look forward to seeing what God has brewing in such an incredible place! And I look forward to returning one day....soon!

Now, it’s on to Stockholm, Sweden, where I will be more of a staff person. I get to help with media and just be a generally helpful person. Hope I do well with the task assigned!

So...skipping ahead a few hours...I am now at the hotel in Stockholm. This is a pretty cool city, at least what I’ve seen of it. I think I might try and grab a dinner with the guys later. I had the pleasure of traveling with the “Brits” today. They are a fun bunch. :O) So, I may go eat some good food with them and then hit the ground running. By that time, the rest of the gang should be at the hotel.

Anyway, sorry to spill so much in my first update! So much to share! Hope you are along for the ride!!!!

leaving for Kiev

Amy and I leave for Kiev (Kyiv) tomorrow afternoon. SO not quite ready to go...SO much to do still. But, completely excited to be going....and to see what God is doing there! Hopefully I will be able to post some pictures while I'm there....so, stay tuned!!!!

so, maybe it's time for an update...

I feel like I've been so busy lately that I haven't taken any time to really keep up with anybody, which is a dumb move on my part. So, at least I can do a quick update on my blog for those of you that I haven't actually gotten the chance to connect with lately!

Where to start? Let's just jump right in...

As of May 12, I will no longer be employed at Buckhead Church. After a little over a year of being here (and what an amazing year it has been!), I am moving on to pursue other opportunities. For the past couple of months, I've been working with the Passion World Tour team to help prepare for the upcoming tour which is set to kick off in Kyiv, Ukraine on May 16th. In addition to all the logistics I've been helping with, I'm also on the Ukraine team and helping with the Uganda team. So, on May 12, I jump on a plane for Kyiv.

From there, I will be headed to....Stockholm, London, Uganda...and then probably Kenya.

I have the opportunity to potentially spend some extended time in Kenya helping an organization called BrightPoint for Children. Details of what I will be doing are still in the works and the whole trip, itself, is subject to change based on their needs. But, what an amazing opportunity it is...I am anxiously awaiting and praying through everything that is ahead on the road before me. God has astounded me with dreams and desires that I did not know I could have!

So, I know that is such a "big picture" of what lies ahead...but, that's where I am right now. I'll keep you posted as I find out more of what is to come. A lot of other big changes are going on right now, too, so if you would "say a little prayer for me", I'd SO appreciate it. I'm ok with the not knowing...I just want to be sure I'm walking the path I'm supposed to be walking!

Oh, and thanks for all the compliments on the haircut...I'm still getting used to it. :O)

what I see happening in my life.

Seems like a good day to reflect upon some things God is doing in my life...these are in no particular order and I can't guarantee they will make any sense to you or will have any depth whatsoever. That's my stipulation. :O)

(I am going to number them because I like lists. Lists make me feel like I am accomplishing things. I know, I'm ridiculous.) So, here goes:

1. When I finally realize that what is going on in my life and around me is not always about me...when I see things from a perspective beyond my own...THAT is the point when God tends to use me in the most perceptible of ways. It is in those moments when my brokenness is swept into the overwhelming mercy and grace of a Savior who is willing and waiting to redeem all people. It is like I become a channel for the work of God and I don't even realize that my hands are the ones doing the physical work because the work, itself, is not important inasmuch as what it is accomplishing and directing others towards. I don't mean to suggest, AT ALL, that I'm doing some great work or anything like that, but it's merely the idea that there are these slivers of moments when I actually get out of the way and stop trying to do things the way I think they should be done. That's when God uses me most efficiently and seemingly in my strengths.

2. I have always had a desire to explore something beyond the world I occupy. I think that's why I'm so comfortable with change and why I tend to seek it out (how many comments will I get about that?!). This past year, though, I decided to put my change bug to rest for a bit and truly seek first the kingdom of God. (After a few months, I decided that was not so easy to do. And then there came Kenya!!!) In all of this, though, I have come to realize that this change bug, this desire to explore...it's not a bad thing to seek as long as it's part of the "seek first HIS kingdom". When I truly lay down my desire to make things happen and figure out where my life is going, I see the most amazing adventure before me. God takes me places I would never have imagined going...territorial, spiritually, emotionally, relationally...

3. This past August, I managed to somehow start leading a small group through Buckhead Church. I wasn't planning on leading a group, only wanted to join one. But, obviously God had other plans in mind. Over the past 6 months, I have managed to walk alongside 5 incredibly wonderful and uniquely gifted women that I would never have met had I not said OK to leading a group. Somehow, beyond anything I could have ever done, we have managed to dig into each other's lives so quickly and so deeply that it amazes me every time we get together. Not only do we meet for our normal community group time, we also randomly just spend time together doing other things...I am incredibly blessed to have Lori, Christine, Katie, Rachelle, and Kristi in my life!

4. I really like toast for breakfast.

passion :: DC

These were just some of the images from an incredible weekend...



And this has to be one of my favs...

a lot of work to do!

Those of you that have been around me the past week or so know that I've taken on a lot more responsibility in my life. Not only am I working for Buckhead Church on my normal "not-quite-full-time-basis-but-who-are-we-really-kidding-it-seems-like-i'm
-working-full-time-with-all-the-email-checking-i-do-outside-of-work" basis, I have also been working for Passion on a part-time/contract basis. I've been helping them out in the webstore as they need it, but now I'm also working on the World Tour team with my roomie, Amy. That's good times. I'm helping them pull together information for vaccinations, visas, and flights for 40 some people traveling to 17 cities over 7 months time. Yikes. It's a lot of stuff. Especially when you throw in the fact that some of those people are bands (and we know how musicians are). :O) Nothing but love.

SOOOOOOOOOO. That is in addition to the fact that I'm leading a team to South Africa in mid-May and then am on the Passion: Uganda team in late May. And then am potentially leading a team to Kenya in June or July and could possibly just go live in Kenya for a few months.

Right. Does YOUR brain hurt yet?

And that's on top of the fact that I have to actually PAY for all of this travel. But, fortunately, that's the part I'm not worrying about. Of all the things I don't know, I DO know that God has specifically called me back to Africa. So, the money is working itself out. That's why I'm working so much and that's why I will start fund raising soon.

But, back to crazy. Sometimes it's hard for me to focus on what I'm doing because I have a lot of things going on in my mind. I already live in my head a little too much, anyway, so now it's pretty ridiculous (if you couldn't tell from this post).

On any given day, you will find me sitting somewhere with 2 computers open and going, a notebook out with spreadsheets and documents spread before me, music playing or my headphones on (with one out so I can listen if someone talks), and my phone close by for texting. Crazy bird.

Oh, wow. Its snowing outside (I'm in Maryland, not Atlanta). Nice. Hopefully it won't snow too much, although it's supposed to get heavy this afternoon. I'm supposed to give a Kenya presentation to a big group of my family tonight, so I don't want that to be canceled. Better go work on that now....

Peace.

an afternoon of lazeeeee & catching you up

I worked hard this morning so by this afternoon, I was ready to veg. That consisted of laying on the couch catching up on TIVO with Nic, the 3 dogs and Schubie. Oh, yeah. 3 dogs. Let me introduce you to the newest addition.

This is Toby and he is Sarah's dog. Such a sweetie....he's the little dog in the house. Although, he's able to hold his own. Apparently, he took a "turn" at Pelly today. Pretty good for a dog 1/3 Pelly's size. Ha ha.

Back to my afternoon...I think I will probably continue my quest for complete laziness. This weather is making me sleepy and giving me a bit of a migraine, so the couch seems like the best place for dealing with all of that nonsense.

In other news, Ross sent me some new music which I am lovin'....he needs to send me more. I am going to let him know that as soon as I see him online. Staying with the whole music theme here, I'm going to see Paolo Nutini and Sara Bareilles Saturday night and CAN'T WAIT. Sara has become, BY FAR, one of my new favorite singer/songwriters. If she can pull it off live, she will be in my overall top 5, I think.

I was in Nashville this past weekend and was able to spend some great time with the peeps. It actually turned out to be good baby time, which rocked. Here are some pics from the fun weekend...

This is Anna, my friend Jodi's beautiful little girl....


This is Smith, who appears to be very hungry...


Smith is the cutest little boy in the world and is the son of Bebo and Shady...


Obviously, Danielle is not a baby. :O) She's my D-Con...


Well, I want to post more but Nic is making me get off the couch and do some stupid "slowrobics" thing on TV. How dumb is that? I can probably do it FROM the couch, but she's challenging me, so my competitive side says I must get up and beat her down. So, more to come later.

**Ok, so I'm adding now...just got down "slowrobics". It WAS quite a workout, but I'm not really into the whole aerobics things, especially on TV. But, Nic and I made a pact to TIVO a show everyday and do it. We will each take turns picking the show and have to do what the other picks. I REALLY want to do a real life boot camp, though. It will probably kick my arse up and down the street, but I think that might be good. So...I'm going to start looking into it. That would make for some good blogging, I'm sure.

chattanooga. oh, chattanooga.

Well. I'm not sure words can describe last night. Pictures probably can't even do it justice, but I have to at least try.

So...it took me a long time to get out of Atlanta because of the traffic. Surprise surprise. I made the most of it, though, by taking pictures on the iphone. It pretty much rocks. I finally arrived after 3.5 hours. That's over the top....for 110 miles.

Anyway, at least I didn't miss Flip's show. He's in a band called Alter Bridge. They are pretty much a freakin' amazing rock band.

Here's a pic of Flip doing his thing on the drums...


Here's a pic of Flip and Mark...he's a so-so guitar player....yeah, right.


Ok, so that was the great "lose my hearing" part of the night. From here on out, I will only let the pictures speak...








Yes, I know. Random. But, that pretty much sums up the night. Just be glad I didn't post any pictures from the parking lot.