lift high

It's been a tough day after a pretty tough week. Just a lot of wrestling with stuff and uncertainty about some things. Boring details aside, I found myself sick yesterday from the vaccinations I needed for Kenya. I knew it could happen, but hoped it wouldn't. It did. And that was on top of a migraine that was lasting 5+ days. So, I ended up staying in Franklin an extra day so I wouldn't have to drive feeling that way.

I left around 8 this morning so that I would have plenty of time to get home and get rested for work this evening. Shortly into my drive, I decided to get the update on my aunt from my mom. The call I had been dreading getting ended up being the call I placed. My aunt passed away early this morning in a very peaceful state.

Anyway, with all of that going on and hearing about my aunt today, I have been in this state of ambiguity when it comes to my emotions. (Can you BE in a state of ambiguity? Let me know if you can't....I'd like to know if my wording is correct.) I have these moments of clarity when I think I have it all figured out, but then I found myself even more confounded than before.

Tonight, I was a little late getting into the worship service. I had thought about sitting upstairs in the CLOSED balcony where I could be by myself and maybe do some work, just chill, listen to the message, etc., but Nicole had saved me a seat downstairs. So, by the time I got in there, I missed the happy happy joy joy song (which I probably could have used). Instead, I walked in just as Chrystina started singing one of my favorite new songs called Lift High (on Steve Fee's record, Eddie Kirkland wrote it). You can hear it here: or hear Eddie sing it on the new North Point Live CD, Louder than Creation, which should be on the webstore anyday.

The imagery of this song spoke to me tonight and allowed me to see things a little bit more clearly, even if only for a moment. I saw peace and I experienced grace. I'm not sure I got any answers to the personal issues going on, but maybe my answers don't need to come right now.