just adding some more...

So I've had some time to think this whole issue of authenticity over....and mull over my previous post. I think, for the most part, I'm ok with everything I said. But, there are parts of my post that I will most definitely have to revisit....

I think if you were to ask most of the people that know me, they would say I'm a pretty consistent person when it comes to personality, emotions, actions, etc. I am usually the same person in most situations.

Here's where my struggle begins: I want to learn to be consistent enough to project on the outside what is happening on the inside. (See the difference?) That is difficult for me because the inside is not always a pretty place. It is not a happy, light place filled with joy and fun times. More often than not, it is sad and jealous and inadequate and hurt and untrusting....and I could go on.

In my small group discussion two weeks ago, these three questions came up:

1. What words would others use to describe you?

2. Who do you want people to think you are?

3. What are the ways in which you practice image management?

At some point in our discussion, I brought up this thought of authenticity a little bit since it seemed to be what we were talking about (go figure). Then, for some reason, I decided that I actually knew what I was talking about and went as far to say that I wanted to have this baseline of consistency in my life. That, no matter who I was with, what I was doing, where I was, this consistency was always present (very abstract, I know). I also said that personality was secondary to that. Obviously, we all have different facets of our personality that come out in different circumstances and situations and around different people. That, for me, will never change...and I don't want it to. God made me to be me in all my craziness....and I like that! But, consistency....authenticity. I want to be known, at my baseline, without pretense. Not for who someone thinks I am or for who I've portrayed myself to be (image management), but who I actually am. Once that occurs, then there is room for growth.

So...that said, what to do? Jesus obviously walked in community with others. He shared his sufferings, thrills, desires, and passions with others. The ONLY chance I have of discovering the consistency of authentic living is to daily strive to allow others access to my life. It will be an ongoing process that will, more often than not, SUCK. But, as I've started to discover, I'd much rather someone know the crap about me and love me than for them to like me for who they think I am.